What I've Learned in 10 Years

This month, I turned 10. That doesn't sound old, but for dogs, it is. Even though I still run around like a puppy, growling while I play tug with my toys, I am about 70 in human years. I'm even starting to get gray hairs. So here are 10 things I've learned in 10 years that may help you get along with your humans.

1. Sleeping is good. The average dog sleeps 16 hours, and I sleep even more. If you can get all the way under the covers, your humans might not even notice that you are there.
2. If you are going to steal something, hide it under the bed. Humans never think to look there. I have quite a good pen collection under my bed.
3. When your dad has someone over for the first time, don't grab all the ham out of the middle of her sandwich and run with it. She may become your stepmom -- and a dog trainer -- and teach you not to do that.
4. If you aren't allowed on the furniture, wait until your dad leaves before you get on it. When the key jingles in the door, get down. Humans give you tons of warnings to get out of trouble.
5. Warm up to only the dates that loves dogs. Then your dad will marry someone who loves you enough to let you on the furniture and #4 won't matter. If you don't like your dad's date, poop in her bathtub. That works every time.
6. Just because you're small doesn't mean you can't control the house. Just growl at your brothers and bite them on the faces -- not hard, of course. It's just a warning.
7. Anything can be a fun toy, including blankets. And don't discard those tiny pieces of toys that seem to have no use. You can still play tug with them, and they're easy to pull from your parents' fingers.
8. When it rains, don't poop outside. That's crazy talk.
9. If you look uncomfortable enough on the floor, your parents will keep trying to find you beds that you like. If you keep looking uncomfortable, you will end up with three different beds -- then, you can still lie on the couch (see #5.)
10. If you don't want to do something, hide in your crate. But don't try to bite your parents. Then, they muzzle you, and that's just no fun.

I've also learned that a kiss on the face can get you out of any amount of trouble. What have you learned in your life?

Love, Fenway

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all you doggie moms out there! Just because you aren't our actual birth moms doesn't mean we don't love you any less. You feed us and walk us and train us and cuddle with us, making us feel like the most special dogs in the world. My mom is great because she buys me raw meat instead of kibble for dinner, which I love. She also takes me on training lessons and walks with other clients, which makes me feel special. She knows where my favorite pet spots are and lets me lie ontop of her in the morning, even though I weigh 80 pounds.

So in honor of Mother's Day tomorrow, I have decided to give her these gifts:

• I will wait until 7 a.m. to jump on the bed and start licking her face because I'm really hungry and like food. I know she likes to sleep until 9, but that's a little too nice for a gift!
• I will let her sit on the couch in the evening, even though it is really comfortable.
• I will listen to every command, even when I know she won't give me a treat.
• I will play a ridiculous game of tug with her, even though all I want to do is tear the toy to little pieces.

I think that's enough. I mean, come on, it's not like it's her birthday. Anyway, think of something nice to do for your mom. I'm sure there's something you can do to make her feel good.

Love, Chubbs